Better Friends, Not More

More is not always the best solution. Sometimes less is more. Sometimes you need to appreciate what you already have. As humans, we seek and cherish connection. We want people we can converse with, share experiences with, learn from, and ultimately navigate life with. The prevalence of social media in society has quantified the “number” of friends people have. If they follow you, they must care about you. Right? People assume that profiles with large social media followings are less lonely or are more fulfilled because of the number of people in their network. This assumption is clinically flawed. More is not always better. Especially when it comes to your friends. Seek better, closer friends, not more people who know your name.

It’s easy to gravitate toward the idea of wanting more friends. You naturally want to be the person everyone wants to sit with at the lunch table. You naturally want to be seen as fun, outgoing, and charismatic and you want to be included in events going on. Having more friends throws you into this cycle. You think you’ll always have someone to turn to when you want to do something or when you want to hang out. You think you’ll always have people to go to in times of need. But that’s not always the case. If you focus on quantity instead of the quality of friendships, you will find yourself with many acquaintances and not real friends. You’ll find yourself with a lot of people who recognize and know your name when you go places but not a lot of people who stop to ask how you’re doing or how your family is doing. You will find yourself with countless empty connections instead of the fulfilling, meaningful relationships.

Instead of focusing on the quantity of friendships, you should focus on strengthening your inner circle. Who belongs in your inner circle is entirely up to you. If you think someone belongs as one of your close friends, give them a call, show genuine interest in their lives, and continue cultivating that relationship. Moving people and relationships from the outer circle to the inner circle takes effort and commitment. These sorts of relationships don’t appear magically. They take time and build themselves over shared experiences, trust, advice, and a quality personal connection. But these relationships matter more than how many people know your name at a party. These relationships will guide you through life.

The game of friendship is synonymous with the game of life. Who we navigate our lives with matters and the relationships we build from one step in our lives to the next will shape the world around us. The friendship game is all about quality, not quantity. Cultivate your inner circle to bulletproof your life from any of its challenges.