Denial

Denial is one very strong, combative emotion. It is combative because it comes at a time when we want the exact opposite. We want approval. We want to be chosen. Very little hurts more in life than when we think we are good enough, we think we have earned something or we think someone feels the same way we feel, and the opposite decision is chosen. It fights against our inner sense of being. It tries to team up with self-doubt and the voice inside our head to tear us down. Denial hurts because denial is real.

In the face of denial, it is not easy to stay strong. It is easy to crumble and cower into what our initial reaction of shame or self-doubt screams to us. Just because it is easy does not mean we should fall victim to this sort of self-pity. We should pick ourselves back up and realize we know who we individually are. If someone else chose any sort of outcome leading to our personal denial, we cannot control that decision. What we can control is how we respond and we should respond with not only dignity but also an honest assessment of where we currently stand. This assessment is how we can turn denial into fuel to lead us to surpass where we wanted to be prior to receiving the denial. Denial is difficult, but through denial, we are able to find new light.

New light appears when denial is viewed as a stepping stone— as a mirror and door to self-honesty. Prior to denial, we convince ourselves of how “good we are” or what we think we are capable of. Denial, for right or wrong, stabs a hole in our self-portrait. In stitching back together our individual canvas, we are able to change the paint we used, change the background, and change whatever we want to about our self-image. Denial is a chance to be reborn, not a reason to self-destruct.

Denial is difficult but it is a part of life we cannot escape. If we are pursuing opportunity there will always be some aspect of getting turned away. Be it a potential partner, a new job, acceptance into a university, or any of life’s simpler day-to-day denials, they will happen. Learning to flip denial into fuel is a process we must adopt in order not to stall in the face of adversity. Denial will come and we will be able to respond to overcome.