Why Hold a Grudge?

I have always been good about moving on. When things do not go my way, I tend to respond in ways that do not make the situation worse. I am good at looking at the bigger picture and realizing that the majority of the issues in my life are trivial, and do not warrant an overreaction. I believe part of my ability to cultivate relationships and live life in an overall content mood is because of how I can successfully move on.

Grudges exist. People close to me hold grudges. You know people who hold grudges. Maybe you are someone who holds grudges. Today I aim to use my perspective on grudges to help you realize your own actions and ponder if you should change your outlook. As always with these topics, I want to emphasize I do not put myself up on a pedestal, I am not perfect in moving on or not holding grudges, these are things that everyone does at some point in their lives. I merely use these writings as personal reflections to not only sharpen my personal ideas but also to share them in public ways.

Grudges do not really make sense to me. I understand the concept. Someone does something wrong to you or causes something bad to happen to you, you then hold that over their head or harbor negative feelings about them for periods of time. At a base level, I get it; no one wants anything bad to happen to them and when it is the fault of someone else, there is room for anger to fester. I just do not believe in the idea that this grudge should cause your mood to be worse for extended periods of time. I will qualify this and say there are absolutely levels to this. I will speak on the typical day-to-day “annoyances” more than the catastrophic life-changing events. Those catastrophic events require a different conversation with a different perspective. For the majority of other cases, I believe it is a waste of time to sit and have the rest of your day ruined.

Examples such as:

There are obviously more extreme and less extreme examples, but I think you get the point. The majority of issues people get angry and hold grudges about are not a big deal when you zoom out and look from a different perspective. If they are not going to change your life in dramatic ways, it is okay to take a couple of deep breaths and move on. I believe strongly that the majority of people in your life who cause these sorts of annoyances still genuinely care about you. If they are repeated patterns of behavior, then maybe you should choose to move on from a relationship with them. If they are simple trivial actions, there is no reason to let the rest of your day be ruined. Move on and continue. Almost no grudge is worth jeopardizing a relationship over.

Is what just happened to you worth a grudge? Or should you figure out a way to move past it? I think the answer should be clear if you think about it.