The Journey From an Athlete to More Part II

Today is the second part in my 3 part series discussing a reflection on my personal journey as an athlete and moving on from competitive sports to finding new ways to carry motivation and energy into physical pursuits. Yesterday I spoke about my early athletic journey, today I will speak about my college career, and tomorrow I will speak about life after competitive sports.

With my high school career ending due to injury, I had the opportunity to walk on the University of Virginia football team. I reported to college workouts a little less than 2 months after having surgery and 8 months since my original injury. When I reported, I still could not run. I remember trying to run on the first day of workouts and not being able to walk without a severe limp for multiple days. My first summer on campus I lived in the training room. The athletic training staff at UVA became my support group. They became an extension of my pain, they wanted me to be better just as badly as I did. The members in that room helped me in my darkest of times. I did physical therapy 5 days a week doing whatever I could to try and feel normal. Nothing seemed to work.

My athletic career was shaped because of my ability to be explosive. In college, I was never the athlete I was prior to my injury. I felt ashamed and beaten down for most of my career in college. My closest friends, the players on the team, and in my class only knew me as my college self. They did not know me as someone who used to be good, they just knew me as the athlete I was was in college. It was hard knowing what I was previously capable of and not being able to realize that potential now. The fun of sports was minimized for a large part of my college career because of this.

During my freshman season, I never had the opportunity to play my position, quarterback. So was the case with other walk-on quarterbacks. We were recruited to play a position and immediately told we had to learn a new one. This situation is something that is foreign to nearly every other college program I have heard of. I was immediately sent to the defensive scout team where I had to try my best at a position I had never played against future NFL receivers. I had to do this while not being able to initiate a sprint if I led with my left foot. I walked with a limp outside of football but still played my whole freshman season believing physical therapy would make me better. I received a cortisone shot and tried numerous other remedies but nothing worked. There was no improvement. At the end of the season, I finally got an MRI and the Doctor who reviewed the imaging said surgery was obvious and necessary. I needed to have a bone removed from my heel that the Doctor described as having a “nut-cracker effect” pinching nerves every time I took a step. He also said it was the second-largest bone in that area he had ever seen. Was this finally the reason for all my pain? Was it going to end? At the end of my first season, I had my second surgery. Over 12 months since first dislocating my ankle I was going under for the second time.

After my second surgery, I thought things would get better. This once again meant months of physical therapy but if I could run without pain it would all be better. I remember running for the first time and feeling relief. The relief was short-sighted. I spent the next 2 years and really, ever since, dealing with my new normal, it was just going to hurt after running. I would practice for 3 hours and then not be able to walk normally the rest of the day. This was a result of scar tissue and Achilles tendinitis. I was not back to normal but I was able to perform at a higher level than my freshman year.

I spent the remainder of my college career trying to assimilate into the wide receiver room. I am confident in my reflection that I was a fringe Division One quarterback but was nowhere near a Division One receiver, especially in the new normal of what my athletic ability was. I knew I was never going to see the field and was okay with where I stood. I worked hard and I tried to learn. I was okay with how my college career turned out. I spent my time trying to be a good influence on younger players and continued building lasting relationships with my brothers in the locker room.

I became a much better man and more prepared for life-based on the teachings of my college coaches. Coach Bronco Mendenhall and specifically my position coach, Coach Marques Hagans, had extreme impacts on the perspective and way I lead my life to this day. They cared about their players beyond the football field. They wanted us to succeed and treated us like their own children. They demanded excellence but worked with us to achieve our goals. Knowing where I specifically fit into the receiver room, an outsider looking in would never know I was any different from the other players based on the instruction and coaching I received from Coach Hagans. Being in his room I felt like any other receiver, I did not feel lesser because of my ability. He coached me the same and worked with me to be better. His choice to coach me the same is one of the things I hold in the highest regard when I look back at my college career.

My Strength Coaches coached us in similar ways and I actually enjoyed the offseason workouts the most because everyone was treated the same, regardless of ability. The strength staff ensured that everyone was held to the same standard no matter their position on the depth chart. Offseason workouts were where I felt the most equal to my teammates because of this. The strength staff did not care what we did on the football field, they just cared we worked as hard as we could for workouts.

I do have fond memories of my time being on the team regardless of the hardships I endured. I have lifelong friends and a group of brothers that I will always share experiences and memories with. We suffered through and conquered years of the most challenging physical workouts I have ever experienced. Doing “hard things together” made us a family and set us up for lifelong relationships. I also have memories of playing a couple of snaps in my sophomore year in the Spring game. My Dad was in the stands and I am eternally grateful he had the chance to see his son touch the field. I knew he was proud of me and is one of my more important athletic memories.

My athletic career in college was very different than in high school. Football was much more of a job than an outlook for joy. In a certain way, my story is different than most who retire from sports. I spent a little less than 3 years playing on a team but knowing my career was already over. I had 3 years to realize and accept my situation. Sports were not over because of the season ending as is the case for many people. Sports were over for me because I accepted I was done. I accepted and came to terms with where my athletic career would end up.

Even with this acceptance, my athletic career has a lot of “what ifs.” What if I had never been injured? What if I knew that walking on at UVA meant I would never play quarterback? What if I had gone to a different school? I look back in peace knowing that I cannot change the what-ifs. I chose UVA because of the opportunity to receive a high level of education and the potential to play on the football team. I am at peace knowing I did what I could. Could things have turned out differently? Yes absolutely, but I do not lose sleep over these scenarios. My college athletic career was done and I was okay with moving on. The question was what would be next?