The Adult Conversation

The most needed words are sometimes the hardest words to say. Failure to vocalize your thoughts when your mind screams at you to let them out can lead to years of regret, always wondering “What if?” Words give humans power. They let us convey the exact thoughts and feelings currently controlling our lives. Without words and the abstract ability to understand them, we are no better than our primate cousins resorting to body language to understand each other. Words are powerful. Some of the most powerful words are uttered in the most difficult conversations—the adult conversations.

If you care about someone oftentimes the best thing you can do for them is be completely honest. If they come to you with a business plan, an investment thesis, or anything they are excited about, you should be excited for them. But, you should also be willing to give them the critique they need to iterate and make that idea that much better. If you are only a “yes” man to those in your life, you do not provide the depth and deep conversations that are needed to move a relationship beyond the surface level.

The people who care the most will critique the most. A common ideology in the world of sports is that a coach will coach hard and pick out all of the little details because they care. Once they stop yelling, and stop picking on you about all of the little details it is time to be worried. You should be worried because they no longer care. It is in the willingness to critique and the willingness to have the uncomfortable conversations, that the most growth happens—where the relationship deepens.

If you care about your friends, you will find the courage to tell them when they offend you, when they are headed down the wrong path in life, and when you think they should change. All uncomfortable conversations but all adult conversations to have if you care about the other person. If you care about your significant other and the relationship you have, you will find the strength, the courage, and the words needed to have the adult conversations. Relationships are about growing together. If you feel who you are in a relationship with is not meeting your expectations, is doing things you do not believe in, is taking you for granted, or is letting you down in one way or another, you must have the adult conversation with them. If you never say anything, nothing will change. Vocalizing your thoughts is the purest way of explaining your story, your opinion, and your desires. If they are kept inside your head, why would anything change?

After vocalizing your thoughts in any adult conversation, how the other person reacts is very telling. If they are offended and get angry, they may have already realized the critiques themselves but are embarrassed that you brought it up. If they react openly and with shameful gratitude, they will appreciate your feedback and look to change. Ultimately, by mustering the courage to speak up, you are hoping that the other person is at least willing to listen, and then show enough care for you to try and change. If they don’t, it tells a lot more about them, than about you. You must have the adult conversations with people you care about if you want sustained relationships. Otherwise, things will remain the way they are or drift further apart.