The Journey From an Athlete to More Part III

Today is the third part in my 3-part series discussing a reflection of my personal journey as an athlete and moving on. It is an overall reflection on my career within competitive sports to finding new ways to carry motivation and energy into physical pursuits. Part I discussed my early athletic journey and Part II discussed the hardships of my college career. Today’s reflection closes my competitive team sports chapter and opens the discussion of how I have navigated life since.

My college career ended with no ceremony or celebration. One day I was at a Monday night walkthrough and the next day I was a normal student. I walked off the practice field as one of the few people who knew it would be my last time. It was what I wanted, a peaceful ending. I went to my position Coach’s office and informed him of my decision. He told me he respected my decision and that I was lucky to come to terms with hanging up my cleats myself before it was taken from me. He said not a lot of athletes had that opportunity. I had pursued my dream and had taken all that the sport of football could give me.

Over the next couple of days, I made sure to tie up any loose ends and tell people in the Virginia football community what they meant to me. I stopped by the sports medicine office to thank Kelli Pugh and Keith Thomson, the two athletic trainers who were monumental supporters of my near-constant journey to recovery. They helped me through my darkest times and gave me hope that I could prevail. I thanked all of my Strength Coaches next. Many do not know but as a college football player, a majority of your time is spent with the strength staff. I thanked Coach Griswold (Griz), Coach Pototschnik (Blackjack), Coach Chandler (DC), Coach Phillis, and Coach Shumate. I thanked them for creating a culture where I was not treated any differently because of my play on the field. Their culture ensured if I worked hard, I could succeed. They encouraged effort and effort was something I could provide. My final stop was to my teammates. Regardless of my play on the field, they respected me and treated me no differently. I was one of their brothers. No longer being on the team did not change anything about any of our relationships, I was the same Tristan to them. Football is a sport that in a sense is about way more than just the game, it is a metaphor for life. The lasting effect football has on me has nothing to do with my play, it has everything to do with the relationships I gained and the life lessons I learned.

These conversations were humbling because they showed the differences I had endured over the prior 3 years. In high school, I was always one of the best athletes who people looked to. In college, I was one of the worst, who needed the help of others to make it past each day. These conversations gave me the opportunity to vocally tell those who impacted me, the impact they had. They gave me the opportunity to close my football journey. After these conversations, I was at peace.

In all honesty, I wish my college career had gone completely different. I wish more than anything I had never dislocated my ankle and that I had the chance to compete as a quarterback. Those “what if” scenarios exist in my mind. What does not exist is regret or sadness over what happened. I cannot change the past and I cannot change any outcomes that have happened. Sports, and football specifically, opened opportunities that would never have existed for me without them. Sports brought me lifelong friends, memories, mentors, and taught me lessons that I will carry for the rest of my life. The rest of my life officially started when I woke up that Tuesday after my last practice.

Immediately retired from football my life lacked discipline. I had no reason to wake up early so I didn’t. I had no one requiring I run sprints so I didn’t. I think everyone who stops playing a sport suffers from these symptoms in some capacity. After years of being forced to practice or forced to work out, it is easier to not. My return to discipline has been a gradual and deliberate process. It has not been easy but has been what I need to feel fulfilled.

I spent the majority of my life competing in competitive sports so I have needed to find physical pursuits that keep me going. I have always enjoyed lifting weights and have set goals in that realm I want to achieve. I have grown to view running as my main competitive activity except I am in competition with myself. There is no team aspect to this, it is me versus me. I am driven to continue to improve and have found this to be a substantial and sustaining outlet for my physical needs. I still miss playing the sports I used to and I believe that is normal. I have chosen to find other hobbies that give me a sense of fulfillment in the same area. Doing physical activity in some capacity will be a part of my life for as long as I live.

For people who are struggling with staying active post-athletic retirement, I encourage you to try and find physical hobbies you enjoy. There are many ways to stay active and I truly believe the best way to do so is by doing activities that bring you energy and a strong desire to improve. Sports end for everyone at some point. The nice thing about them ending is you generally have much more life to live. By coming to peace with what you did with sports, I believe you are more easily able to find new pursuits that keep you going.