The Struggles of Being a Big Brother

Today’s topic is following the topic of family from yesterday. It is also grouped in with the overall theme I have written about so far of my reflections leading into the beginning of 2023. Additionally, this will be the first 2-part entry I have written with the 2nd part coming out tomorrow, January 7th. Consequently, these two will be shorter than previous entries but will aim to offer a more personal glimpse into my mind as I have navigated being a big brother. Today is the negative half of this series. The more personal half. Today is how I have struggled as a big brother.

Being a big brother is not easy. There are definitely easy things about it, rewarding things about it, but ultimately there is a different sense of responsibility about this role. You are the mediator to the parents. You are entrusted to take care of your younger siblings when your parents are not around. You need to be a good influence on them. Younger siblings look up to you differently than they would their parents, they always want to impress you and hang out with you. There is never really the phase of, “Oh I am too cool for you” that children normally experience with their parents or on the converse, older siblings to younger siblings. They want to be a part of your life more than anything. These are all “rules” of life that are not out of the ordinary. It is normal for the older sibling to have more responsibility and is normal for the younger sibling to want to impress the older.

I spoke yesterday about how important the last 6 months of being around my younger brothers have been to me after not being around them for a majority of 5 years. My relationship with them has blossomed during this time but there have been multiple frustrating moments. As I sit down to write, I realize a majority of these frustrating moments are caused by my own ideas of how they should act and the way their minds should work. I spend too much time thinking from my own perspective versus thinking from the mind of a 15-year-old boy.

The main example of this is within sports. I reached the Division 1 level as an athlete and excelled at 3 sports in high school. Knowing what I know now, I would change so many habits of how I practiced and worked during high school. However, at the time, I did not know any better. I struggle with my little brothers because I believe I know what it takes to reach the level of what they want to be. I struggle because I do not see them fully embracing my ideas and thoughts. I struggle because I wish I had an older brother that had “been there before” to take in his advice. I struggle because I believe they can be better than I was in multiple facets of life if they put in the effort. I struggle with my own regret of not doing things differently and not wanting them to make the same mistakes I did. I struggle with them taking my time for granted. I struggle with seeing how they interact with each other compared to my relationship with my twin brother. I struggle with the fact that all of these “struggles” are my perception from my mind. I struggle with the fact they are 15 years old and want to do 15-year-old things. I struggle with the fact that they want to have fun with me, not always “work hard.” Ultimately, I struggle with the fact that they have their own life, it is not my life, and they can do what they desire. Through reflecting on these “struggles” I have opened up ways to be a better brother to them. I am their big brother, I just need to be there for them through anything.

Today’s entry is more like a journal entry or reflection topic than I have previously written and is more private than I have ever published. My hope, like with all of my topics, is by reading you can reflect on that aspect of your life. For this, the question of how you are as a sibling is worth reflecting on. If you have shaky relationships with your siblings, it is worth it to try and fix them. Consider how you were a cause of the problem. Even if you have great relationships with your siblings, there are ways to change, think about things differently, and interact in new ways, in order to foster an even better relationship. Relationships with siblings are different than anyone else in your life. Mend these relationships, maintain these relationships, cherish these relationships. There is beauty in the struggle, part 2 of this journal will show that.